I think I can understand that. I think I used to do something similar, in my past life. I don't think I could manage it now even if I really wanted to... but I can see where it would be terrible to look back on it.
You can always come talk to me about it, if you end up doing it again or if you remember doing that sort of thing in your past life. I may not know what to say, but I'll always be here for you.
It isn't anything I'm concerned about. If there's another incident along the lines of those heart stones, we may have a problem; I didn't want to alarm you at the time with so much else going on, but I had some...difficulties with mine. But otherwise, it's nothing that isn't manageable.
It wasn't in terribly good condition by the end of the month. I still have it, if you would want to see it for yourself, but that's the important thing.
[It isn't like it's hard to find; he keeps it in one of his stand drawers near the bed, somewhere that it's close by and out of sight. One of the bedside lamps will go on as well so it can be seen better; he'll pass it over fairly easily.
It...seems to have been blue at some point, though it's closer to a dull grey now; it's also deeply cracked and brittle-seeming, though it doesn't look about to fall apart just from being handled. Maybe don't throw it against the wall? But it seems reasonably okay just being held.]
...Again, it was nothing that I saw the need to trouble you with at the time. Not with everything else going on at the moment. It didn't break, I made sure of that much, and it all worked out well enough in the end.
[He's still not sure how to put this into words, give him a moment. He'll turn the stone a bit in his hands while he thinks, both to give himself something to do and to give him an excuse not to look at Wesker.]
...I wish you would have told me. I know you didn't want to worry me, and there might not have been anything I could do, but... I don't like thinking everything is okay when it isn't. I don't want to start assuming the worst, and I certainly don't want to start thinking that you might not be telling me things. I can understand why you didn't tell me, but it... troubles me, I suppose.
I had just died the day before we received these. And then this started happening to it - how was I supposed to take that?
[He doesn't mean for his voice to be that sharp, but it happens anyway; it's not the cold sort of tone that he'd taken back in the dream, but it is deeply agitated.]
Sometimes I don't tell you things because there are too many extenuating factors for it to be feasible, but sometimes I don't tell you things because I can't handle discussing them at the moment.
[Jaeger doesn't flinch, but his grip does tighten on the heart stone. It's not tight enough to risk breaking it or anything, and after a moment he forces himself to relax. It still takes him a bit to find the words he needs, though.]
...I'm sorry. I... don't always take that into account.
[Maybe it's because he's still self-centered, or maybe it's because he has a hard time remembering that Wesker isn't always calm. Wesker doesn't get riled as easily as he does, but it does happen, and considering the timing of events... well, it's no wonder Wesker had a difficult time handling this.]
I'll try not to let it happen again.
[That's really the most he can promise, unfortunately.]
[It gets him to settle a little, anyway; to breathe, and to try to calm himself down a bit.]
I... Well, I do admit that I try not to let you see it when I'm upset, because I don't like anyone seeing that. It's hardly your fault if you don't know.
I understand that. It's... very difficult to let people see you like that, ja?
[He's gotten better at being honest about what he's feeling with Wesker, but he still has a long way to go before he can manage it with anyone else. He's making progress with Elda, but it's very difficult...]
I know you don't want to let me see you like that, but it's not as though I'd mind it. Well, outside of worrying about you, of course, but I do plenty of that anyway.
[He finally moves to take Wesker's hand again; he'll give the stone back if you want it, but otherwise he'll just hold onto it.]
I really do want to help you, after all. In any way I can.
[It feels strange to let Jaeger handle it - that's supposed to be a part of his soul, after all - but he trusts him with it and isn't going to ask for it back if Jaeger wants to hold it for a while. He'll let him take his hand, though.]
I try not to let anyone see it, really. I've come close a few times, but I can usually control it well enough.
It isn't that I doubt you, or don't think you can help. It's just...
[He pauses for a moment; saying anything else feels like too much, but he's trying to be more open with Jaeger, they're literally just discussing how he needs to be more honest regarding his feelings, and - ]
...There are a lot of things I legitimately hate about myself, Jaeger, and I don't like anyone seeing them.
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[He's...calming down a little, slowly; he doesn't respond much to the hair-playing, but he doesn't seem to want Jaeger to stop, either.]
I hate feeling like that. In dreams or otherwise.
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It seems very difficult. Do you want to talk about it?
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[It isn't a refusal, he just...isn't good at talking about these things.]
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What is it about feeling like that that troubles you the most?
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Jaeger, I was just willing to shoot you in the face.
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[Mnngh.]
Nothing matters to me when things are like that. It's very cold.
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It isn't anything I'm concerned about. If there's another incident along the lines of those heart stones, we may have a problem; I didn't want to alarm you at the time with so much else going on, but I had some...difficulties with mine. But otherwise, it's nothing that isn't manageable.
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[That's a little concerning...]
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[It isn't like it's hard to find; he keeps it in one of his stand drawers near the bed, somewhere that it's close by and out of sight. One of the bedside lamps will go on as well so it can be seen better; he'll pass it over fairly easily.
It...seems to have been blue at some point, though it's closer to a dull grey now; it's also deeply cracked and brittle-seeming, though it doesn't look about to fall apart just from being handled. Maybe don't throw it against the wall? But it seems reasonably okay just being held.]
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...It must have been difficult to keep this a secret.
[That's not exactly what he wants to say, but he's not really sure how to put it into words.]
Thank you for telling me about it now. I... really am sorry I couldn't help at the time.
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[He's still not sure how to put this into words, give him a moment. He'll turn the stone a bit in his hands while he thinks, both to give himself something to do and to give him an excuse not to look at Wesker.]
...I wish you would have told me. I know you didn't want to worry me, and there might not have been anything I could do, but... I don't like thinking everything is okay when it isn't. I don't want to start assuming the worst, and I certainly don't want to start thinking that you might not be telling me things. I can understand why you didn't tell me, but it... troubles me, I suppose.
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[He doesn't mean for his voice to be that sharp, but it happens anyway; it's not the cold sort of tone that he'd taken back in the dream, but it is deeply agitated.]
Sometimes I don't tell you things because there are too many extenuating factors for it to be feasible, but sometimes I don't tell you things because I can't handle discussing them at the moment.
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...I'm sorry. I... don't always take that into account.
[Maybe it's because he's still self-centered, or maybe it's because he has a hard time remembering that Wesker isn't always calm. Wesker doesn't get riled as easily as he does, but it does happen, and considering the timing of events... well, it's no wonder Wesker had a difficult time handling this.]
I'll try not to let it happen again.
[That's really the most he can promise, unfortunately.]
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I... Well, I do admit that I try not to let you see it when I'm upset, because I don't like anyone seeing that. It's hardly your fault if you don't know.
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[He's gotten better at being honest about what he's feeling with Wesker, but he still has a long way to go before he can manage it with anyone else. He's making progress with Elda, but it's very difficult...]
I know you don't want to let me see you like that, but it's not as though I'd mind it. Well, outside of worrying about you, of course, but I do plenty of that anyway.
[He finally moves to take Wesker's hand again; he'll give the stone back if you want it, but otherwise he'll just hold onto it.]
I really do want to help you, after all. In any way I can.
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I try not to let anyone see it, really. I've come close a few times, but I can usually control it well enough.
It isn't that I doubt you, or don't think you can help. It's just...
[He pauses for a moment; saying anything else feels like too much, but he's trying to be more open with Jaeger, they're literally just discussing how he needs to be more honest regarding his feelings, and - ]
...There are a lot of things I legitimately hate about myself, Jaeger, and I don't like anyone seeing them.
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