I'm worried you'll be hurt like that again. Not in exactly the same way, of course, but I... really don't like to see you hurting. I don't want anything to happen to you.
[His grip tightens on Wesker's hands again before he decides to let go entirely and move to latch on, if Wesker will let him.]
I'm sorry. It's... really difficult, ja? But I'm going to be right here, and I meant every word I said to Spencer. I'll repeat it as many times as you need to hear it.
[...Oh. Oh, he'll...right, okay. It takes him a moment to realize what Jaeger is doing, but he'll shift to pull him a little closer once he has.]
You don't have to worry about me. I'll be all right; I have difficulties from time to time, but it isn't anything to be concerned about.
[...]
Sometimes I have doubts about things. Whether there really is a place in the world for someone like me. It's something that I've always questioned, not...just recently.
[He settles easily once Wesker's pulled him closer, though his grip is tight.]
I know you'll be all right. You always are. But I can still worry about you a little bit, ja?
...There's always a place for you in the world. I don't think the world is a cruel enough place to reject anyone outright like that, but even if it was, you'd always have a place with the people who care for you.
[He'll return the nuzzling, though; it doesn't seem desperate at all.]
It's something I've always been aware of, that I'm not like most people. Seeing what my past life was like often makes me wonder if that's why - if I'm just inherently flawed, or otherwise so fundamentally broken that there's no sense in trying.
It isn't something that's constantly on my mind, but it is there. I know you've been trying to encourage me to not think of it like that, but it's difficult to ignore.
[He's quiet for a moment, but he doesn't stop with the nuzzling. It is desperate on his end, though.]
...There are some things you can have a really hard time letting go of, so I get that. I really do wish you could see things the same way I do, though.
Just because you're different doesn't mean you're flawed. Everyone's different in their own way; that's what makes us all so fascinating. Yes, some of the differences are extreme, and maybe they're even differences that are worrying or frightening. That doesn't make anyone inherently broken.
I just... I really don't believe people can start out broken. They can be broken, yes, sometimes very early on, even. But I don't believe...
[He trails off there, not really sure how to continue.]
[He lets Jaeger continue to nuzzle him, though he shifts a little where he's sitting to start running his hand through Jaeger's hair, the motion gentle and repetitive.]
I know this sort of thing upsets you; I shouldn't dwell on it.
[He's quiet for a moment, though. Gathering thoughts.]
I don't hate myself like I used to, you know. I don't think that I deserve less than anyone else, and I... It's taken a long time, but I don't believe that I deserve to die for how I am, and who I used to be.
You've helped me so.much with that. I don't think I've really thanked you properly for it.
[He leans into the hair-playing for a moment before he returns to nuzzling Wesker. It takes him a moment to respond, but he's definitely calmed down some.]
I'm really happy to hear all of that. It... It really does mean so much to me that I can help you, in any way. Even if it's something small, it makes me happy.
So this... I... I'm not really sure I know what to say to this. I'm really glad that you don't feel you deserve to die any longer, that's... It's very important to me.
I admit that part of it is that I don't want to do that to you. That sort of thing would affect you as well, obviously; I don't want to leave you like that.
It doesn't mean any less because it's partially due to you. If anything, that makes it more important to me.
[He keeps playing with Jaeger's hair, softly.]
You aren't going to lose me. I've promised you that before, and I meant it.
[Admittedly, the fact that Zee's apparently been taken out permanently is a little nerve-wracking, but he's fairly sure his own abilities can make up for it without relying on Retrospec to revive him.]
I was certain you could heal from it if I missed, but I was really worried about trying to remove the device like that... It was... ja, it was difficult.
It worked out, though. I'm glad I was able to help, even if it was nerve-wracking at the time.
[This is comfortable, even though you're made of rocks. He doesn't ever want to move, okay.]
Don Whitehorse did not deserve anything I put him through. I recently remembered that my actions caused his death - albeit in an overly-complicated and roundabout way - so I suppose that's why he was there and all of that happened.
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[It's calm, though, there's nothing pointed behind it.]
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[...He doesn't know how to finish that, exactly; just...give him a moment to try again.]
Did what Spencer was saying bother you?
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[His grip tightens on Wesker's hands again before he decides to let go entirely and move to latch on, if Wesker will let him.]
I'm sorry. It's... really difficult, ja? But I'm going to be right here, and I meant every word I said to Spencer. I'll repeat it as many times as you need to hear it.
[And maybe... maybe it'll help a little.]
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You don't have to worry about me. I'll be all right; I have difficulties from time to time, but it isn't anything to be concerned about.
[...]
Sometimes I have doubts about things. Whether there really is a place in the world for someone like me. It's something that I've always questioned, not...just recently.
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I know you'll be all right. You always are. But I can still worry about you a little bit, ja?
...There's always a place for you in the world. I don't think the world is a cruel enough place to reject anyone outright like that, but even if it was, you'd always have a place with the people who care for you.
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[Another of those things, then.]
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[He leans in to nuzzle Wesker.]
At the very least, you'll always have a place with us.
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[He'll return the nuzzling, though; it doesn't seem desperate at all.]
It's something I've always been aware of, that I'm not like most people. Seeing what my past life was like often makes me wonder if that's why - if I'm just inherently flawed, or otherwise so fundamentally broken that there's no sense in trying.
It isn't something that's constantly on my mind, but it is there. I know you've been trying to encourage me to not think of it like that, but it's difficult to ignore.
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...There are some things you can have a really hard time letting go of, so I get that. I really do wish you could see things the same way I do, though.
Just because you're different doesn't mean you're flawed. Everyone's different in their own way; that's what makes us all so fascinating. Yes, some of the differences are extreme, and maybe they're even differences that are worrying or frightening. That doesn't make anyone inherently broken.
I just... I really don't believe people can start out broken. They can be broken, yes, sometimes very early on, even. But I don't believe...
[He trails off there, not really sure how to continue.]
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I know this sort of thing upsets you; I shouldn't dwell on it.
[He's quiet for a moment, though. Gathering thoughts.]
I don't hate myself like I used to, you know. I don't think that I deserve less than anyone else, and I... It's taken a long time, but I don't believe that I deserve to die for how I am, and who I used to be.
You've helped me so.much with that. I don't think I've really thanked you properly for it.
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I'm really happy to hear all of that. It... It really does mean so much to me that I can help you, in any way. Even if it's something small, it makes me happy.
So this... I... I'm not really sure I know what to say to this. I'm really glad that you don't feel you deserve to die any longer, that's... It's very important to me.
[His grip has gone really tight again.]
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[He trails off there, then decides he doesn't want to continue.]
I'm glad that's not something you want, even if it is in part because of how it would affect me.
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[He keeps playing with Jaeger's hair, softly.]
You aren't going to lose me. I've promised you that before, and I meant it.
[Admittedly, the fact that Zee's apparently been taken out permanently is a little nerve-wracking, but he's fairly sure his own abilities can make up for it without relying on Retrospec to revive him.]
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[He settles a bit, the last of the tension leaving him.]
I really appreciate it. I always want to be right here with you.
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[This is comfortable, okay... Not ideal, because still, made of rocks, but he likes the proximity today at least.]
...You do have my apologies for making you shoot at me. I know that was difficult for you.
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I was certain you could heal from it if I missed, but I was really worried about trying to remove the device like that... It was... ja, it was difficult.
It worked out, though. I'm glad I was able to help, even if it was nerve-wracking at the time.
[This is comfortable, even though you're made of rocks. He doesn't ever want to move, okay.]
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[It's light, though, and he tousles Jaeger's hair a little as he says it.]
...I'm fairly sure that large man from the manor found that out the hard way, honestly. That one was actually unpleasant.
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Don Whitehorse did not deserve anything I put him through. I recently remembered that my actions caused his death - albeit in an overly-complicated and roundabout way - so I suppose that's why he was there and all of that happened.
[That was such a goddamn mess.]
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[He's quiet for a moment, though he doesn't stop playing with Jaeger's hair.]
The discussion I had with your past life was surprisingly civil. I'm sure it wasn't pleasant for you, however.
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