manufactured | INBOX

It's okay, I'll repeat it as many times as you need to hear it.

[He leans in to nuzzle Wesker.]

At the very least, you'll always have a place with us.

...I've never been like the rest of you.

[He'll return the nuzzling, though; it doesn't seem desperate at all.]

It's something I've always been aware of, that I'm not like most people. Seeing what my past life was like often makes me wonder if that's why - if I'm just inherently flawed, or otherwise so fundamentally broken that there's no sense in trying.

It isn't something that's constantly on my mind, but it is there. I know you've been trying to encourage me to not think of it like that, but it's difficult to ignore.

[He's quiet for a moment, but he doesn't stop with the nuzzling. It is desperate on his end, though.]

...There are some things you can have a really hard time letting go of, so I get that. I really do wish you could see things the same way I do, though.

Just because you're different doesn't mean you're flawed. Everyone's different in their own way; that's what makes us all so fascinating. Yes, some of the differences are extreme, and maybe they're even differences that are worrying or frightening. That doesn't make anyone inherently broken.

I just... I really don't believe people can start out broken. They can be broken, yes, sometimes very early on, even. But I don't believe...

[He trails off there, not really sure how to continue.]

[He lets Jaeger continue to nuzzle him, though he shifts a little where he's sitting to start running his hand through Jaeger's hair, the motion gentle and repetitive.]

I know this sort of thing upsets you; I shouldn't dwell on it.

[He's quiet for a moment, though. Gathering thoughts.]

I don't hate myself like I used to, you know. I don't think that I deserve less than anyone else, and I... It's taken a long time, but I don't believe that I deserve to die for how I am, and who I used to be.

You've helped me so.much with that. I don't think I've really thanked you properly for it.

[He leans into the hair-playing for a moment before he returns to nuzzling Wesker. It takes him a moment to respond, but he's definitely calmed down some.]

I'm really happy to hear all of that. It... It really does mean so much to me that I can help you, in any way. Even if it's something small, it makes me happy.

So this... I... I'm not really sure I know what to say to this. I'm really glad that you don't feel you deserve to die any longer, that's... It's very important to me.

[His grip has gone really tight again.]

I admit that part of it is that I don't want to do that to you. That sort of thing would affect you as well, obviously; I don't want to leave you like that.

I know. I... I wouldn't know what to do if you...

[He trails off there, then decides he doesn't want to continue.]

I'm glad that's not something you want, even if it is in part because of how it would affect me.

It doesn't mean any less because it's partially due to you. If anything, that makes it more important to me.

[He keeps playing with Jaeger's hair, softly.]

You aren't going to lose me. I've promised you that before, and I meant it.

[Admittedly, the fact that Zee's apparently been taken out permanently is a little nerve-wracking, but he's fairly sure his own abilities can make up for it without relying on Retrospec to revive him.]

I know. You wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it.

[He settles a bit, the last of the tension leaving him.]

I really appreciate it. I always want to be right here with you.

I'll be here for as long as I can.

[This is comfortable, okay... Not ideal, because still, made of rocks, but he likes the proximity today at least.]

...You do have my apologies for making you shoot at me. I know that was difficult for you.

[He nuzzles Wesker again.]

I was certain you could heal from it if I missed, but I was really worried about trying to remove the device like that... It was... ja, it was difficult.

It worked out, though. I'm glad I was able to help, even if it was nerve-wracking at the time.

[This is comfortable, even though you're made of rocks. He doesn't ever want to move, okay.]

...I just wanted it off. I didn't care how you did it at the moment, honestly...

Well, that's certainly understandable... I'm just glad it didn't seriously hurt you to remove it like that.

It takes a good amount more than that to harm me, you know that.

[It's light, though, and he tousles Jaeger's hair a little as he says it.]

...I'm fairly sure that large man from the manor found that out the hard way, honestly. That one was actually unpleasant.

[He looks a little sheepish at that.]

Don Whitehorse did not deserve anything I put him through. I recently remembered that my actions caused his death - albeit in an overly-complicated and roundabout way - so I suppose that's why he was there and all of that happened.

[That was such a goddamn mess.]

I see...

[He's quiet for a moment, though he doesn't stop playing with Jaeger's hair.]

The discussion I had with your past life was surprisingly civil. I'm sure it wasn't pleasant for you, however.

It was...

[Mmm.]

It wasn't terrible. A little much, perhaps, but certainly not terrible. I do think it's important to be honest about these sorts of things.

I do trust you entirely to not hurt me. I understand that there's a possibility of it, and that if it happens, it won't be anyone's fault. But I know you never would intentionally harm me.

[It's good to establish that, he's fairly sure; he's quiet for a moment once that's out there, however.]

...I don't believe you're becoming more like him, you know. I understand that it worries you, but you aren't.

No, of course not. I would never want to harm you.

[It's good that Wesker knows that and doesn't question it any, despite what Yeager was saying.

The second part gets his gaze to dart, though.]

I... I'm really glad to hear that. That idea... well, it scares me.

I know it does.

[...]

You're always telling me about how impossible it is to become our past lives. About how things are different now, and it isn't something that's going to happen. Do you not actually believe that, or...?

No, it's...

[How does he put this...]

I really do believe it's impossible to become exactly the same person. Our experiences in this life have shaped us in different ways, and becoming a copy of who we once were just isn't possible.

It's more that I'm worried about the possibility of picking up some of my past life's more negative traits. I'm worried that someday I'll reach a point where I decide that not feeling anything would be for the best. I don't know if I'd have the same amount of success - if you can really call it that - as my past life did, but it's something that I did do back then, and I'd hate to decide to do something like that again.

Thankfully, I don't have any reason to do anything like that now. I'm very happy with you, and I'm happy with the way things are, despite Retrospec. I don't want you to think that this is something that's constantly on my mind, because it isn't.

It's just something I think about from time to time, I suppose.

...As long as you're certain.

I am. I really don't have a lot of things I'm troubled by or worried about right now, so I suppose my brain just decided to try really hard to find things that have bothered me before...

You know you can tell me, if something ever is on your mind.

[Just. Let him nuzzle you a bit, all right.]

I know. I think I've gotten a lot better about that! There really isn't anything that's bothering me right now - outside of worrying a bit too much about you, but I suppose I'm always going to do that.

[He returns that immediately.]

I really haven't been this happy in a long time. I never thought Recollé would ever be home, but there isn't anywhere else I'd rather be.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject