manufactured | INBOX 2.0

You make it sound like I slept all day!

[...it's getting closer to noon, so yeah...]

Are you having fun?

[He'll come join you, looking entirely too pleased, okay. Look at you, you're so intensely focused and it's cute...]

I think so.

[Which is improvement over the usual vehement NO that occurs when he's not getting anywhere.]

[!!!]

I'm glad to hear it! Maybe you'll solve it soon!

[c-cute...]

It seems so. I've at least got a decent start going.

[He'll fiddle with it for another couple of moments before setting it aside for a bit, though.]

How are you today?

[That's fine, he'll settle against you once you have, okay.]

I'm good! I do have a couple of questions for you, if you don't mind. About your past life, and how you're considering it and all that. Nothing bad, of course, just some things I'm curious about.

Though first: how are you doing today?

[...He is okay with this. He'll shift a bit so it's a little less awkward, but he isn't going to move away or anything, this is fine.]

I'm all right. Things have been going well enough; it's still good to be staying here, however.

If you have questions, though, I'll hear them.

[Good, because he doesn't want you to go anywhere.]

I'm glad you're doing fine, and I certainly don't mind staying here! As long as you'd like.

[It's not like that'll be a problem for work, after all.]

As for my questions... Well, I suppose it's best to start at the beginning. How long did it take you to decide that this is how you want to consider it?

[That's a good question, honestly; he has to think about it for a moment.]

Months. It was something that came up sometimes when I was discussing things with Kei, though not in as many words. We spoke often about the nature of our souls and what being here like this implies for the people we were back then.

Ah, so even then you were thinking about it...

[He can see why it took Wesker so long to come to this decision, given everything he's remembered...]

Did you ever find it sort of frightening, to remove the space between you and your past life? I suppose that's a bit of a weird way of wording it...

Of course I did.

[There's no hesitation in it.]

I don't think it's something I could have done for a long time; I needed the distance there.

Yes, I imagine it would have been incredibly tough, if not impossible, to attempt something like this earlier.

...I know it sounds kind of silly, but I'm a bit afraid that if I do remove that distance, I'll end up closer to how I was before. I used to be similar to my past life, much more than I am now, anyway. I don't want to go back to that; I'm quite fond of how I am now.

But that's ridiculous, isn't it? It's not like I'm going to change and forget all the things I've learned just because I'm looking at it differently. I suppose it's still something that'll take some getting used to.

[...]

But I think... I think it is something I would like to pursue.

Take your time to consider it; it isn't as though a decision needs to be made now. Make sure it's something that you want, and know that it's fine if it ultimately isn't.

[...]

I think what changed things for me is feeling like I was forcing that sense of distance to remain in place. The idea of removing it scared me, but it didn't seem right to try to keep it there anymore - especially not recently, after the things that have been happening lately. I realized that this entire business in the sixth layer has been bothering me because it's too close to my experiences - not someone else's, and not instances I remember but don't have any real connection to. I associate those things as having happened to me, and my responses to it and ability to handle it come from who I used to be, and that sort of association isn't something I'm comfortable trying to deny or ignore anymore.

I was afraid of it because of the sort of person I was. But it doesn't seem right to keep pushing it away.

I understand, and I think it is a better way to handle it. We're already acknowledging that these are our past lives and our memories, the distance really only helps in the beginning, I think. Finding a way to fully accept your past life as a part of you is admirable. It's something I would like to be able to do at some point, if only to make things a bit easier for me.

Keeping the distance isn't difficult, the problem is with the memories where I do have feelings attached. They used to worry me, because the distance was so important to me. But now... I don't think I have the same fears anymore. The person I was is someone I never want to be now, but I think it is important to fully accept all of that.

Maybe someday I'll manage it, but for now I'll keep trying to warm up to the idea.

Again, take your time with it. Whether we care for it or not, our past lives aren't going anywhere.

[He'll play with your hair a bit, all right.]

I think it's good that you're willing to consider it, at least.

[He'll lean into that immediately, just like always.]

I think so too. It's something I never would have considered some time ago! I'm pleased I've reached a point where I can consider it, even if I ultimately decide against it.

I've finally reached a point where I'm no longer upset by my memories, or angry or anything like that. It isn't as though I don't care, but it's acceptance, and I think that's important.

...I suspect that mine will always trouble me in some way, and I don't know if acceptance is fully possible for me. But I think that's to be expected, given the things I've been recalling as a whole.

Of course. I think I'm in a fairly weird position as well, given that I did start out a bit closer to my past life. Not that I was anywhere near as terrible of a person, of course, but I think I could have gone in that direction had things been different.

But thankfully I never have to worry about that! I can't say I've managed to conquer all of my demons, but I think I've made pretty good progress on quite a few of them!

I think so, yes.

[...]

...It's good to know that you're receptive to this line of thinking regarding our past lives. I wasn't certain if I should tell you or not at first; I didn't know how you would take it.

I can understand why. I've always put so much importance on keeping distance, after all.

You don't have to worry about that, though! I always want to support you in whatever way I can, and I'm glad you've found what you want to do and how you want to consider it. I really do hope it helps you, and I'm very happy you told me.

...Well, it was both the sense of distance and the fact that I wasn't certain how you would feel about the notion that I was deciding to associate myself so strongly with someone you find blatantly terrifying.

[I mean.]

Well, that's true... Your past life does still scare me, but that's not something that's going to change my opinion of you any. Removing the distance from you two isn't going to be easy, but I can learn to do that.

I'd like to keep hearing about any more memories you receive, so I can learn more about your past life.

...Is there anything in particular you would like to know about?

[He's curious, okay.]

Do you have many memories about your day-to-day life? I know you have quite a few from when you were working with Birkin, but what about later on?

...I believe I told you about Krauser, a long time ago - the former soldier who rather liked knives. I spent a good amount of time with him while I was trying to sort out what my next move should be; we were staying somewhere in South America, not doing much of anything in particular.

Sometimes we would just stay in and talk; other times we would go out into the jungles and kill things. It was something I enjoyed doing; I enjoyed relatively few things back then, but that much was nice - both the company and the excursions.

[...]

I also did have a reasonably normal relationship, before I left Umbrella but after I was out of the compound. I told you a bit about it.

[...You know, that woman he knocked up and promptly abandoned.]

[Ah, right. Her.]

Ja, I remember that. I do find it good to hear about the other parts of your life, not just the ones that were very important. You've always done a great job of talking to me about what you've remembered, but I do like hearing it again.

[There's a lot to remember, and besides, he's looking at it differently now.]

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