[He really doesn't want to talk about it and the hesitation's longer this time. But eventually he speaks, because he really can't keep anything from Wesker for long.]
...Retrospec's... everything, really. I have enough trouble handling my own memories, but I'm mostly worried about everything you're stuck dealing with. You have to deal with these terrible memories and I'm only hearing about them and still I have problems. I don't know what to say or do. I don't know how to help. And I'm worried that... that I won't be able to keep up, that I won't be able to handle everything you're telling me and then you'll just... stop telling me things entirely because it's too much for me.
But it's not, I promise. I can handle it, it's not that big of a deal—
[He winces as another line radiates outward from the central mark, but that doesn't get him to stop. He's speaking a bit too fast now, but it's important to get all the words out, because he can't have Wesker believing that he's too weak for this.]
I'll do better, I'll stop worrying so much. It's just something stupid that bothers me occasionally, but it's really not— not that big of a deal.
[Some of the already existing lines deepen, with smaller ones branching off from them. It's definitely not helping with the pain, but a little pain is nothing compared to actually admitting his problems and addressing them.]
[...Okay. Okay, just...let him tighten his grip on Jaeger's hand a bit, trying to give him something else to focus on, to get his thoughts to settle a little.]
I'll admit I'm concerned sometimes about how much I put on you. Not because I don't think you can handle it, precisely, but because...well, as I've said, it's unfair to you. You don't know how to help because there often isn't any way to help; you don't know what to say or do because no one would, in your situation.
[...]
I'm not normal, Jaeger. I don't process things the same way most people do. I think it's likely you've noticed that by now.
[The weird fearlessness, the fact that he almost never gets upset or angry, the inability to understand certain social cues. The lack of a reaction that isn't purely rational to being told something like this, even.]
I don't tell you things sometimes because I know they'll hurt you in a way that they don't hurt me. It has nothing to do with whether I think you can handle it.
[He's quiet through all of that, occasionally looking at Wesker before his eyes dart away again.
He knows Wesker isn't normal, though it's not something he'd ever say. It's not pleasant to hear it, but this does make it pretty obvious. Wesker's approaching things rationally, which is something he can't do right now. He's always been good at calming Jaeger down, but right now he's still tense.]
I can handle it, so it's not something you ever need to be worried about. I'm... I'm okay, really.
[His grip tightens on his coat when the pain flares up.]
I'm strong enough to handle it, despite what they've said. I have to be.
[Some part of him knows he's not quite making sense, that he's too disconnected from what Wesker's saying, but he's too worked up to really sort himself out properly right now.]
[...Maybe he shouldn't have said that. He really doesn't want to get into it, but there's no going back now.]
W-Well... if I'm not... Maybe it wouldn't be worth it for you to stay with me. If you couldn't even talk to me about the things that are troubling you... Well, maybe you'd be better off without me.
[There's definitely no eye contact now. The pain's lessening a bit since he's actually being honest for once.]
[His immediate response to that is sincere but it's ugly, something that he's going to file away in his head and never say out loud - not because it's confirming what Jaeger is saying (it's not), but because it's denying it in a way that he doesn't want to touch right now. It's something he'd promised someone else once; it'd ended poorly.
So for a moment he's just quiet, and he keeps playing with Jaeger's hair, and it's obvious that he's trying to find words.]
...I always seek you out when I'm at my lowest. When I don't feel that I can handle things on my own. Even when I don't want to talk about it, just being with you helps me. I would certainly never be better off without you - I mean it entirely when I say that I would be dead by now, if it weren't for you.
[He shakes his head a little after that's out there, like he's trying to clear it a bit; give him a second.]
You make me happy, and it's not because of what you can do for me, or whether you always know the right things to say. Just...being with me is enough.
And if you're still concerned with whether or not you're doing enough for me - you make me feel like perhaps there's something about myself that's worth salvaging, and like maybe there's something about the world that's worth staying in it. That's... It's important to me, everything you've done. I don't express it often enough, maybe, but you never have to worry about whether my life is better with you in it.
[Jaeger's quiet through all of that, and while he doesn't really react at first, the tension's slowly leaving him. His chest doesn't hurt quite as much anymore.]
...Thank you.
[For a moment that's really all he can think to say, because the weight of what Wesker's told him is almost overwhelming. It hurts, but it's relieving to hear.]
I... I really do love you so much. I can't stand the thought of losing you, especially not to something I feel like I could prevent. Which is... stupid, I know. But I guess that's what's been worrying me.
I really am happy to hear that I mean that much to you. I... I don't really know what to do with that, honestly. Ah, but that's a bit silly, isn't it? I always want you to tell me how much I mean to you and when you do it, I'm not sure what to say in response...
[It gets a small smile to tug at the corners of his mouth, anyway.]
You always want me to flirt with you, too, and yet you get so flustered every time I attempt it...
[It's light, though, moreso than he usually is.]
I won't say that nothing will ever happen, because we've seen enough by now to know why I can't promise that. But I will promise you that I won't willingly leave you, and no matter what happens, I'll always come back to you. No matter what stands in the way, or what it takes to return to you, I always will. I've beaten enough odds to think that I can manage that well enough, even if it takes time.
Anyway, he settles once that's out there and by the time Wesker's done speaking, he's relaxed and making eye contact again.]
Yes. I absolutely believe you.
[Wesker's gone through a lot, but Jaeger absolutely believes that hell itself wouldn't be able to contain this man if he really wanted out. His smile is calm as he continues.]
I sincerely hope we never have to put that to the test, but if we do... I'll wait for you. I promise.
Of course, I don't foresee that being much of a problem to begin with - again, I won't leave you willingly, and apparently I'm good at putting up a fight when I have to.
[Honestly, it's slightly terrible but there was a damn good reason he thought he was suitable to be considered God back then.]
Just ensure that I have something to come back to and we'll be fine.
no subject
What "things" are we referring to, exactly?
no subject
...Retrospec's... everything, really. I have enough trouble handling my own memories, but I'm mostly worried about everything you're stuck dealing with. You have to deal with these terrible memories and I'm only hearing about them and still I have problems. I don't know what to say or do. I don't know how to help. And I'm worried that... that I won't be able to keep up, that I won't be able to handle everything you're telling me and then you'll just... stop telling me things entirely because it's too much for me.
But it's not, I promise. I can handle it, it's not that big of a deal—
[He winces as another line radiates outward from the central mark, but that doesn't get him to stop. He's speaking a bit too fast now, but it's important to get all the words out, because he can't have Wesker believing that he's too weak for this.]
I'll do better, I'll stop worrying so much. It's just something stupid that bothers me occasionally, but it's really not— not that big of a deal.
[Some of the already existing lines deepen, with smaller ones branching off from them. It's definitely not helping with the pain, but a little pain is nothing compared to actually admitting his problems and addressing them.]
no subject
I'll admit I'm concerned sometimes about how much I put on you. Not because I don't think you can handle it, precisely, but because...well, as I've said, it's unfair to you. You don't know how to help because there often isn't any way to help; you don't know what to say or do because no one would, in your situation.
[...]
I'm not normal, Jaeger. I don't process things the same way most people do. I think it's likely you've noticed that by now.
[The weird fearlessness, the fact that he almost never gets upset or angry, the inability to understand certain social cues. The lack of a reaction that isn't purely rational to being told something like this, even.]
I don't tell you things sometimes because I know they'll hurt you in a way that they don't hurt me. It has nothing to do with whether I think you can handle it.
no subject
He knows Wesker isn't normal, though it's not something he'd ever say. It's not pleasant to hear it, but this does make it pretty obvious. Wesker's approaching things rationally, which is something he can't do right now. He's always been good at calming Jaeger down, but right now he's still tense.]
I can handle it, so it's not something you ever need to be worried about. I'm... I'm okay, really.
[His grip tightens on his coat when the pain flares up.]
I'm strong enough to handle it, despite what they've said. I have to be.
[Some part of him knows he's not quite making sense, that he's too disconnected from what Wesker's saying, but he's too worked up to really sort himself out properly right now.]
no subject
What do you mean, you have to be...?
[Come on, Jaeger. Talk to him.]
no subject
W-Well... if I'm not... Maybe it wouldn't be worth it for you to stay with me. If you couldn't even talk to me about the things that are troubling you... Well, maybe you'd be better off without me.
[There's definitely no eye contact now. The pain's lessening a bit since he's actually being honest for once.]
no subject
So for a moment he's just quiet, and he keeps playing with Jaeger's hair, and it's obvious that he's trying to find words.]
...I always seek you out when I'm at my lowest. When I don't feel that I can handle things on my own. Even when I don't want to talk about it, just being with you helps me. I would certainly never be better off without you - I mean it entirely when I say that I would be dead by now, if it weren't for you.
[He shakes his head a little after that's out there, like he's trying to clear it a bit; give him a second.]
You make me happy, and it's not because of what you can do for me, or whether you always know the right things to say. Just...being with me is enough.
And if you're still concerned with whether or not you're doing enough for me - you make me feel like perhaps there's something about myself that's worth salvaging, and like maybe there's something about the world that's worth staying in it. That's... It's important to me, everything you've done. I don't express it often enough, maybe, but you never have to worry about whether my life is better with you in it.
no subject
...Thank you.
[For a moment that's really all he can think to say, because the weight of what Wesker's told him is almost overwhelming. It hurts, but it's relieving to hear.]
I... I really do love you so much. I can't stand the thought of losing you, especially not to something I feel like I could prevent. Which is... stupid, I know. But I guess that's what's been worrying me.
I really am happy to hear that I mean that much to you. I... I don't really know what to do with that, honestly. Ah, but that's a bit silly, isn't it? I always want you to tell me how much I mean to you and when you do it, I'm not sure what to say in response...
[It gets a small smile to tug at the corners of his mouth, anyway.]
no subject
[It's light, though, moreso than he usually is.]
I won't say that nothing will ever happen, because we've seen enough by now to know why I can't promise that. But I will promise you that I won't willingly leave you, and no matter what happens, I'll always come back to you. No matter what stands in the way, or what it takes to return to you, I always will. I've beaten enough odds to think that I can manage that well enough, even if it takes time.
Do you believe me?
no subject
[It's every time.
Anyway, he settles once that's out there and by the time Wesker's done speaking, he's relaxed and making eye contact again.]
Yes. I absolutely believe you.
[Wesker's gone through a lot, but Jaeger absolutely believes that hell itself wouldn't be able to contain this man if he really wanted out. His smile is calm as he continues.]
I sincerely hope we never have to put that to the test, but if we do... I'll wait for you. I promise.
[The red marks are slowly beginning to fade too.]
no subject
Of course, I don't foresee that being much of a problem to begin with - again, I won't leave you willingly, and apparently I'm good at putting up a fight when I have to.
[Honestly, it's slightly terrible but there was a damn good reason he thought he was suitable to be considered God back then.]
Just ensure that I have something to come back to and we'll be fine.
no subject
[The last of the red marks fade and Jaeger squeezes Wesker's hand tightly.]
But hopefully we won't ever be parted for that long! I really don't know what I'd do. Well, besides worry. I'd certainly be doing a lot of that!
[It's light though; this is good.]