That's how it has to be sometimes, I believe. I've had several people that I've cared nothing for, in the end - but I'm capable of appreciating them, in my own way.
[ He breathes out a small laugh and smiles. It's somehow warmer than the ones that he has given before. ]
You don't feel to me like you're an empty person, Albert Wesker. You certainly have it in you to feel happiness and love for something, right? Don't go breaking yourself because you attempted to save the world.
I do have the capacity, it's just rarely utilized. Naturally speaking, not through suppression.
[So. Incredibly low-empathy, as opposed to literally nothing. It happens, just not easily or often; most people he's supposed to care about could get hit by a bus tomorrow and he wouldn't be terribly pressed about it.
...And then the other day he literally took a bus to the abdomen for someone else, so that's something of an awkward metaphor.]
Not empty, nor broken. At least not in this life; the latter can be argued for the past.
[ Kei smiles in a knowing way. Because obviously, that is how it is for him. His expression changes slightly as he looks at Wesker and his gaze becomes considerably unfocused. ]
What did you say? [ A beat. ] …I see. Then you are indeed a Heroic Spirit. You use death to save people from the agony of life. Then your wish is death?
[ His shoulders relax yet his stare remains clouded. He frowns at nothing in particular but whispers-mutters half a conversation to himself. Louder, he finally says but he is already looking away, no longer addressing the person in front of him or in his memories: ]
There are worthless things, but there are no meaningless things. ...Beware, King of Heroes. If there is something that will bring you defeat, it will be just that.
[ His gaze refocuses as he pauses. ] ... Mm. The meaning behind what I said... or rather what someone who isn't quite me said... do you believe it? [ So he wonders as he muses over what he just witnessed. Is he disturbed? Of course, but Kei does what he can to disguise his troubled feelings by asking a question onto the man before him. ]
The idea that worthless but meaningful people will be the downfall of those that view them as trash? [ That is what his other self meant, isn't it? ]
[...A memory of some sort, most likely. Wesker recognizes it when it starts, he's seen this sort of thing enough since May, so he just...lets it happen without trying to interrupt.
The question is...interesting, at least.]
...I believe it, actually, yes.
[Worthless but meaningful... It's a description he'll remember for later. It's the sort of way he would describe Chris, honestly.]
I assume you experienced something just now. Something familiar to you?
Then, you are sitting better than that man who most likely would not.
[ It is a small bit of praise to Wesker. But he soon shakes his head at the question. ]
I would not call it familiar to me.
[ His eyes close as he leans back in the booth, finally pulling his hands off of the table to rest at his sides instead. ] I don't know that room that I was in. Yet when I saw it... it felt comfortable. Everything that was spoken about was -- at least until the topic of death makes little sense to me.
[ He breathes out a sigh. ] Someone who viewed humans to be disgusting and would use death to save them. [ Kei smiles humorlessly. ] So this is what they meant by things that we do will be triggers to our old selves, hm? [ Looking away once more, he muses quietly to himself but includes the man in his thoughts: ]
What do you think of the idea of "clear pleasure," then?
[ He breathes out as he looks Wesker over. Ah, he'll not mention the young man -- no, King of Heroes -- was also blond. ]
Clear pleasure. [ Hm. ] I believe it is the idea of joy. Absolute joy. I do not believe I can call it pure, however. It's pleasure that is without concern for morals. [ He frowns as he immediately doesn't like where that is going. ]
Nevermind. It is something that "I" said I was searching for, but I'm not curious enough to wonder anymore as to what it could be. Wording it as I did... [ Another small shake of his head. ] ... I'd rather not search for it.
So, nevermind answering the question, Albert Wesker... I can see now what people mean by feeling a little disturbed by the memories that just come slipping in. It's... intrusive and to be able to feel and experience what "you" did... [ He blinks. ]
What emotion would you say that you felt the most from your memories?
["Pleasure without concern for morals." In other words, sadism, probably. It's not really something he'll press on, though it's another of those things that he'll keep close at hand in his memory.
Ah, but the question...his response is prompt there.]
Hatred.
[It's simple and without elaboration, but it's utterly straightforward.]
[ His eyes drift up, not realizing he had started to look at the table. The simple and straightforward answer is a bit of a surprise, but is answered with a half-smile. ]
I see. [ "Exterminating them will be doing them a service." That is what the man in his memories said. ] How many -- no, it would have to be a significant amount of memories that you had to have received by now, hm? Enough for you to change your name. I retract that foolish question.
And most of them, you felt hatred. Most would be driven mad by it, but you and your actions continue to seem sane to me at their core. [ Kei dislikes how he repeats something that he had just experienced himself saying, but the feeling is the same. ]
[...Kei, he is just going to frequently be struck by how ontologically weird you are until he's used to actually talking to you for more than five minutes at a time, about more than just business. Forgive him for this.]
The hatred is something that was always present, in my memories, but not usually to an overwhelming degree. More of an undercurrent than an experience, encompassing my thoughts on a lot of things. When it's a constant, it's not all that difficult to forget that it's likely something that should be considered abnormal.
[ He offers a half-smile yet again. His eyebrows lift. ] As off as that may sound... the opposite of love isn't hate but indifference and I am pretty indifferent to quite a bit. [ He chuckles as he feels that is obvious but his expression becomes clouded. ] So I don't consider your hatred abnormal.
You were created by someone who wanted to break your spirit and sense of self. Rising from that, a person needs to be filled with something in order to remain whole. [ But he sighs as he continues to look troubled. ]
I won't deny the memory I had is ... it certainly makes me feel a little ill at ease with myself but still I have already reached my hand out and it feels wrong to snap it back and be dishonest about what I think to save face to no one but myself.
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[ So he gives a small nod as he accepts that he is understood without judgement. It's the best either one of them can do for one another, isn't it? ]
So you are right in saying that it was good I could reap some benefit.
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You don't feel to me like you're an empty person, Albert Wesker. You certainly have it in you to feel happiness and love for something, right? Don't go breaking yourself because you attempted to save the world.
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[So. Incredibly low-empathy, as opposed to literally nothing. It happens, just not easily or often; most people he's supposed to care about could get hit by a bus tomorrow and he wouldn't be terribly pressed about it.
...And then the other day he literally took a bus to the abdomen for someone else, so that's something of an awkward metaphor.]
Not empty, nor broken. At least not in this life; the latter can be argued for the past.
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[ Kei smiles in a knowing way. Because obviously, that is how it is for him. His expression changes slightly as he looks at Wesker and his gaze becomes considerably unfocused. ]
What did you say? [ A beat. ] …I see. Then you are indeed a Heroic Spirit. You use death to save people from the agony of life. Then your wish is death?
[ His shoulders relax yet his stare remains clouded. He frowns at nothing in particular but whispers-mutters half a conversation to himself. Louder, he finally says but he is already looking away, no longer addressing the person in front of him or in his memories: ]
There are worthless things, but there are no meaningless things. ...Beware, King of Heroes. If there is something that will bring you defeat, it will be just that.
[ His gaze refocuses as he pauses. ] ... Mm. The meaning behind what I said... or rather what someone who isn't quite me said... do you believe it? [ So he wonders as he muses over what he just witnessed. Is he disturbed? Of course, but Kei does what he can to disguise his troubled feelings by asking a question onto the man before him. ]
The idea that worthless but meaningful people will be the downfall of those that view them as trash? [ That is what his other self meant, isn't it? ]
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The question is...interesting, at least.]
...I believe it, actually, yes.
[Worthless but meaningful... It's a description he'll remember for later. It's the sort of way he would describe Chris, honestly.]
I assume you experienced something just now. Something familiar to you?
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[ It is a small bit of praise to Wesker. But he soon shakes his head at the question. ]
I would not call it familiar to me.
[ His eyes close as he leans back in the booth, finally pulling his hands off of the table to rest at his sides instead. ] I don't know that room that I was in. Yet when I saw it... it felt comfortable. Everything that was spoken about was -- at least until the topic of death makes little sense to me.
[ He breathes out a sigh. ] Someone who viewed humans to be disgusting and would use death to save them. [ Kei smiles humorlessly. ] So this is what they meant by things that we do will be triggers to our old selves, hm? [ Looking away once more, he muses quietly to himself but includes the man in his thoughts: ]
What do you think of the idea of "clear pleasure," then?
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[...You know, if it weren't for all that "King of Heroes" whatnot, he would ask if you knew him in your past life. As it stands, however...hm.]
I'll have to ask you to elaborate, however. With regards to clear pleasure.
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Clear pleasure. [ Hm. ] I believe it is the idea of joy. Absolute joy. I do not believe I can call it pure, however. It's pleasure that is without concern for morals. [ He frowns as he immediately doesn't like where that is going. ]
Nevermind. It is something that "I" said I was searching for, but I'm not curious enough to wonder anymore as to what it could be. Wording it as I did... [ Another small shake of his head. ] ... I'd rather not search for it.
So, nevermind answering the question, Albert Wesker... I can see now what people mean by feeling a little disturbed by the memories that just come slipping in. It's... intrusive and to be able to feel and experience what "you" did... [ He blinks. ]
What emotion would you say that you felt the most from your memories?
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Ah, but the question...his response is prompt there.]
Hatred.
[It's simple and without elaboration, but it's utterly straightforward.]
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I see. [ "Exterminating them will be doing them a service." That is what the man in his memories said. ] How many -- no, it would have to be a significant amount of memories that you had to have received by now, hm? Enough for you to change your name. I retract that foolish question.
And most of them, you felt hatred. Most would be driven mad by it, but you and your actions continue to seem sane to me at their core. [ Kei dislikes how he repeats something that he had just experienced himself saying, but the feeling is the same. ]
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The hatred is something that was always present, in my memories, but not usually to an overwhelming degree. More of an undercurrent than an experience, encompassing my thoughts on a lot of things. When it's a constant, it's not all that difficult to forget that it's likely something that should be considered abnormal.
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[ He offers a half-smile yet again. His eyebrows lift. ] As off as that may sound... the opposite of love isn't hate but indifference and I am pretty indifferent to quite a bit. [ He chuckles as he feels that is obvious but his expression becomes clouded. ] So I don't consider your hatred abnormal.
You were created by someone who wanted to break your spirit and sense of self. Rising from that, a person needs to be filled with something in order to remain whole. [ But he sighs as he continues to look troubled. ]
I won't deny the memory I had is ... it certainly makes me feel a little ill at ease with myself but still I have already reached my hand out and it feels wrong to snap it back and be dishonest about what I think to save face to no one but myself.