manufactured | INBOX

[That...it still doesn't explain much, several of his memories have to do with Uroboros and a handful of them have to do with Chris, but he imagines there are very few of his memories where the content would be this upsetting.]

Come here, Jaeger. It's all right.

[He shifts a bit; do you want contact, because you can lean against him if you want.]

[For a moment he just sort of stares, like he has to actually take time to process what Wesker's saying and doing, and the the usual desire to be close takes a moment to show up.

But it does show up and he moves to lean against Wesker, just sort of letting himself collapse once he's there.

...Wesker really isn't very comfortable. But he always likes this, he always wants to be close even though it isn't comfortable. It always gets him to settle and relax, and even though he still feels like he's having trouble processing everything, he does begin to relax a little bit.

That's about when it sinks in that what he experienced wasn't his own death. It probably would be easier if it had been, which is probably a bit concerning, honestly.

It gets him to tense after a moment and suddenly he's shaking.

The first thing he really properly feels (that's his and not something lingering from the memory) is fear. Wesker's right here and he's fine (physically, at least) and there's no reason to worry but suddenly he's terrified that if he looks away for even a moment, something will happen to Wesker. Some part of him is fully aware he shouldn't be worrying, but it's also a relief to feel something that isn't hate or fury so for once he just... lets it happen without trying to convince himself he needs to stop.

He'll be okay eventually, but for now he's going to latch on as tight as he possibly can.]

[...Good, that's... It's good, it's strange but delayed but eventually the expected reaction happens and Wesker is quick to let one of his hands bury itself in Jaeger's hair, running through it and tousling it gently before just settling into simple, repetitive stroking.

He just lets Jaeger latch onto him, continuing to play softly with his hair and giving him a moment to try to settle a little; it occurs to him after a moment that the feelings seemed to transfer along with the memories, and Jaeger has never liked being angry, and one of the only things that Wesker was capable of feeling back then-

...Ah.]

It's going to be all right. We're safe here.

[The hair-playing is always nice; it takes him a moment, but he does lean into it eventually. He's still shaking and he's still worked up, and slowly he's starting to feel other things besides fear - sadness and frustration being the main two. There's a spark of anger there as well, though it's nothing compared to the raging inferno in Wesker's memory.]

I... I know. I know it'll be all right. And... I know we're safe, nothing like that is going to happen again, you're... you're not going to...

[But he already died here, didn't he? What if something happens again?

Jaeger's grip can't get any tighter, and he's certainly not going to be letting go any time soon.]

I won't leave you.

[His voice is steady, at least; he seems calm, even if he isn't precisely feeling it at the moment - he doesn't entirely understand what's happening in Jaeger's head, though he does have a far better idea of what happened in the memory Jaeger experienced.]

Even if something happens to me, I'll always come back to you.

...I can't lose you.

[The shaking hasn't stopped, but he is settling a bit and the words are coming easier.]

I believe you, though; I know you'll always come back to me. And I... I'll always be here, no matter what, and if I need to wait for you I will. It doesn't matter how long it takes.

[...]

Please... don't let go just yet. I'll be okay, but I just... I need a minute.

[He needs a hell of a lot longer than a minute.]

Take as long as you need.

[He'll keep playing with Jaeger's hair; he adjusts a little bit to hold Jaeger against him a bit more firmly, but he doesn't seem to be going anywhere or trying to pull away.]

...We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But we can.

[...Does he want to talk about it? To be honest, no. But he doesn't like the idea of pretending it never happened either. Well, okay, he does like that idea, but he's trying to be better about not ignoring his problems or running from them, and this probably is something they should talk about.]

I... think I need a little bit to process all of that. It was... a lot.

[He's settling, though; the hair-playing and Wesker's grip are doing wonders to calm him down.]

...Did you... experience one of my memories?

I did, yes.

[It's a bit easier for him to talk about it; it was less overwhelming and more just...very bizarre, even if it did put him in something of a mood due to all the dampening going on.]

You were speaking to Cumore about weaponry, and then you fought some people.

Oh, that...

[...That was probably really bizarre, actually. He's still missing context for some of it and while it wasn't necessarily anything terrible, it's still sort of weird.]

...Are you okay?

[It's a belated question, admittedly, but given all the feelings that came with Wesker's memory he can only imagine how strange his own memory would feel. Or, well, not feel.]

Yes, it was just a bit strange. Honestly, it was a little similar to how I felt before leaving Umbrella... It put me in a bit of an odd mood, but it wasn't terrible.

I'm sorry.

[...]

I know it's not my fault but that... really has to be an unpleasant reminder. It... really is awful feeling like that, isn't it?

...It is, yes. You've said that most of your memories are like that?

Yes. It... takes a moment to remember how to feel again, sometimes. But that's... That's exactly why I want to keep feeling, even if I get overly emotional, because I...

[He hesitates, but there really isn't any point in stopping now.]

...I'm afraid one day I'll come back from a memory like that and I won't be able to feel anything anymore.

[Though to be honest, he'd pick apathy over experiencing that much pain and rage and hatred.]

...I understand.

[In some ways, anyway.]

I imagine the experience you had tonight was overwhelming for you, though.

...Yes. I... I've never felt like that before. Even when things were really bad, I was never that angry.

[Honestly, it's not fair to compare them. The things he's experienced in this life have mostly been positive, while Wesker's past life was impressively terrible.]

It's... a lot to process. How did you work through it all?

...I don't feel like I have a choice.

[It's the answer he always gives, but it's honest.]

Beyond a certain point, it's always like that to some degree. Not usually quite that strongly, but the hatred is always there.

It kept me going back then. I didn't have much else.

...I'm sorry. It... sounds really difficult.

[He nuzzles Wesker; it's bordering on desperate.]

I'm so sorry things were so bad for you in your past life, but... you aren't alone anymore, and you won't ever be alone again. I'll always be here for you.

It's all right, Jaeger. I know it isn't like that anymore.

[He'll return the nuzzling, however.]

You shouldn't have had to experience that. Both the emotions and Uroboros as a whole.

[That's nice... It's definitely helping him relax.]

It was... kind of a lot... But I'll be okay. I promise.

[It's not like he really has much of a choice, after all.]

[Mm.]

Talk to me...?

I'm not really sure where to start.

[Give him a moment, he'll try to come up with something.]

...Uroboros was... It felt like nothing I've ever experienced before. It wasn't... bad, though, it was just... different.

[He really enjoyed it? He certainly wouldn't want it, but it felt amazing and he really has no idea how to process that so as a result he just sounds kind of unsure about the whole thing. He's. He's trying...]

...It feels good, doesn't it.

[He tried to tell you before that he enjoyed it, after all.]

...Yes, it does. To be perfectly honest, I'm a bit upset I'll never feel that powerful again...

[But that's lighter; it's not quite a joke, but he's trying.]

That's what bonding with it is supposed to feel like. I know there was some pain involved, but after a while it no longer mattered; being able to use its power and claim it as my own was something that I found highly enjoyable.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject