manufactured | INBOX

[...good lord, Kei, hello there.]

Might I ask what prompted this...? Not to say that it isn't appreciated in some way.

Of course, you may.
It must seems a little unnatural.
But I was musing over our last few conversations.
I realized a person that could be soften by the efforts and care of others could not be evil.
That a person that wishes to offer some light to those struggling in the dark could not be considered heartless.

Upon this realization, I came to realize my own words have been mostly unfair.

Perhaps. Though given what you had to work with at the moment, I can't say I fault you for it, either.

You can't say it.
But you should say it.

I had the wrong impression about you.
Yet you allowed me to cruelly keep it.
Why?

Because cruelty of that sort isn't undeserved, in my circumstance.

Of course, it is, Albert Wesker.

We're able to then look back at what we did in horror and distaste.
We're able to acknowledge our evil in a way we would be unable to do so as "ourselves."

I was able to come to a better conclusion for myself by talking to you.
An evil man could not help in such a way.

And so I do believe it to be undeserved.
But I doubt you will ask for compensation, even as I explain it so.

That's less through a matter of whether it's deserved and more that I can't imagine what sort of compensation you're offering in the first place.

Perhaps, to actually hear some reasonable anger on your part. That is to say: I offer to accept whatever grievances that have piled up upon you.

Whether done by myself or others, I would not mind hearing your actual anger for you have more reason than anyone else to be mad, is that not so?

It's been a while since I've been properly angry, to be honest; I've never really been prone to it.

Even in my past life, when hatred seems to have been the majority of the emotion I recall having... Well, spite and hatred had their places in the order of things, but anger always struck me as oddly senseless. That isn't to say that it never happened, but it was generally rare.

Senseless, hm?

[ Kei has his own thoughts about anger. He considers it senseless for him due to his own emptiness. Anger from an empty person is no more than a joke, after all. ]

I see. I also rarely ever get angry.
I have one memory of feeling pure anger, and that is how I knew the action was a favor to the world. But I digress.

I believe anger comes from what we believe is "right." If something is not right, we get angry. And so the idea that you find being mad senseless makes sense to me. You don't see reason to be angry because you understand and consider our actions "right?"

Yet I see every reason to be angry because there is nothing righteous about passing cruel judgement on a good man. But I cannot be angry for you, Albert Wesker. That is why the compensation I offer is allowing you a rare change to be upset and to yell out all your grievances at someone.

A weight you had not known may come falling off, too.

Most of my grievances are internal. They lie with my past life, and with my own actions in response to my situation then, and with the fact that I can't deny that those actions make more and more sense to me as time goes by here.

My grievances aren't with you, or with anyone else in Recollé. Perhaps with a few people back then for making me into who I was, and for making me believe that I deserve any of this to begin with. But Not with anyone in the city.

What is it about them that's making sense?

It's nice that you have no grievances with anyone in this city, though.
Still, to get that far in understanding your own internal upset, I suppose that means you've already been venting some?

The thoughts and processes that went into them, primarily.

I don't know if I would call it venting. But I do have a few people that I've spoken to regarding it. My memories are the sort that are best not handled entirely on one's own.

From what I recall you telling me, it doesn't sound like it was a sudden, spontaneous process. It sounds like it took time to eventually decide on what to do -- so that makes sense that it would start to make sense as the memories come together.

I see. No, I suppose they wouldn't be.

I was kidnapped as a child, for the sake of being brainwashed and experimented on. I haven't remembered going through it; I don't know if I ever will, given that I didn't remember the details of the incident in my past life, either.

I do know that it was something I went through with dozens of other children. When there were thirteen of us left, we were all made to inject ourselves with viruses. Only two of us survived - my sister and I. We were also made to work for the man who did all of that to us, once we were old enough.

Those are the reasons I have in my memories to take up grievances with people.

In short, your other self saw the evil of the world. He saw that the evil was not punished by the world but rewarded for it, instead. If humanity can allow such to exist, it would be better to simply restart with "survivors" rather than "winners," right?

I never directly admitted as such back then - not to myself or anyone else. But overall, I do believe that to be the case.

I wanted to write a new history for the world. One of my choosing, one that I could control. One that wasn't governed by the current laws of humanity, because as far as I could see that would only lead it to ruin.

It would be admitting that "you" have no control, and for someone that is to be a god, that is not something anyone can just admit.

Humanity is one that is filled with contradictions. But I do believe that society is mostly "good." It mostly strives for the ideals of good and just. Whether it actually achieves it is another matter. But I have always liked that about humanity. For all of its flaws, it continues to try with its laws and morals.

I have an easier time believing that now than I ever could have back then - that despite all of humanity's inherent flaws and troubles, for the most part people do try their best, if nothing else.

Right?
Though, I feel if we say that too many times to others... we shall be accused of being bleeding hearts.

Somehow I doubt that will end up being too much of a concern.

Such negativity.
But it's nice to hear you making some jokes.
You really are sounding a lot lighter than even a month ago.

I suppose my offer of allowing you to be angry at someone -- even a surrogate someone like myself -- really was mostly unneeded.

Last month was...stressful, for several reasons.

But consider it appreciated either way, necessary or otherwise.

Agreed.

I will consider it appreciated, then.

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