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[If he knows someone is coming over, he generally will put the helldogs up, and tonight isn't an exception - it's amazing what not showing up unannounced like a rude person will get you, isn't it?

As it stands, Jaeger's presence will still get a chorus of AND THE DOGS GO WILD but at least it's from somewhere further back in the house. You know, where he's definitely not keeping the horrifying creatures with his research.

...That sure is booze.]

I see you've brought a bribe with you.

[Here you go, take that off his hands.]

Ja, of course! If you're so busy punching people I thought I might as well make it worth your while~!

[Despite acting like he always does, Jaeger's actually undergone a physical change since the last time you saw him: he got buff. Admittedly it's not much, he just looks like less of a stick now. He's gotten suits tailored to properly fit him though, so at least he still looks nice.

By the way yes, he's doing this in a suit. Because this is Jaeger and we fight like men in our suits or something.]

[...That makes both of us that are absolutely not dressed for the fight that is about to ensue today, um. And no...comment on the Suddenly, Ripped because like hell if he's stroking your ego today.]

I'm still not certain why people come to me for this.

[Anyway.]

In the interest of full disclosure, I have a vague idea that I may have known what I was doing in fights, if those memories are any indication, but I don't recall how to apply any of it. Just in case that's a concern.

[...For the general safety of both you and his own goddamn face. It's possible that he'll blank out mid-fight, please don't fucking hit him if he does.]

Oh, really? Well, you look like the sort of person who does know how to fight!

[...which doesn't really explain why people would line up to want you to punch them?? Here we are anyway, I guess.]

But don't worry, I'm sure neither of us will break anything! Probably!

[probably]

At least most of what I was capable of seems to have been with guns.

[Which he...doesn't keep? He isn't really here for firearms, for a lot of reasons.]

Either way, I suppose we should work out what constitutes sparring and what doesn't.

[Does Wesker even know how to shoot a gun? He would have assumed yet, but now he's doubting everything...]

Well, I'd say a solid hit or two would count. Hopefully not enough to bruise too badly. And nothing to the face, of course!

[of course]

Of course.

[...This seems fair, dear god we're both going to suck at this, aren't we.]

Shall we, then?

Of course! Where are we doing this?

[Definitely not in your basement with the research, but is there a specific room you want, or...]

...Preferably nowhere that has anything important in it.

[He's totally pretentious enough to have a foyer that currently has a lot of space and zero dogs, does that work for you.]

[That works perfectly!

...So. Here we are. This is going to be interesting.]

Well, I didn't really think too much about what would happen once I was here.

[...this is awkward.]

[...what the fuck do you mean, you didn't think about- ]

Well...? Are we going to stand here like seventh graders at a school dance, or are we going to actually fight?

You make it sound so easy! It's weird just to hit you now!

[jaeger.]

...Very well, if that's how you're going to be about it.

[He'll just have to punch you in the fucking ribs first, then, won't he.

So, you know, that's what he's going to do, with no fucking warning whatsoever. Just approach and try to fucking punch you.]

If that's how I'm going to be about— Ow!

[well. in hindsight he absolutely deserved that. Give him a moment to hold the spot and look wounded for a moment before trying to return that!! He's sure Wesker's going to block a punch to the ribs, so he aims a second with his off-hand for Wesker's gut.]

[You absolutely deserved - oh god what the hell, Jaeger, does he look like he can take a hit like that to you. The first punch is blocked, as he'd expected, but the second - well, it gets him to step back, anyway. Breathing?? Breathing is good.]

Now you are asking for it.

[God, we are going to actually throw down in this foyer. That is going to be what happens here.

The problem with doing this in suits is the fact that they have a fair amount of places to grab. Like your fucking lapels. So just let him try for grabbing that to jerk you forward and sweeping your legs out from under you in the process. While you're busy and all.]

[You know what he was definitely not expecting? That. That is absolutely not what he was expecting and down he goes with an undignified noise. He'll try to kick at Wesker's legs while he's down here and once he's regained his footing he'll just sort of... rush Wesker like maybe he can full body tackle him to the floor. As you do.]

[...Well, all right, then -

The kicking at him will definitely get him to back off, but he is not expecting the rushing and you are just going to tackle him to the floor like a fucking savage, aren't you.

...That would have been really awkward if it hadn't worked. As it stands it's still really awkward because we're on the floor and you're just kind of on him now? What the...fuck are we doing from here, other than him trying to shove you off because dude- ]

Hah!

[VICTORY IS HIS— and off he goes oof.]

Well, that was fun. I'm never doing that again.

[His poor ribs...]

[Thank you for getting off of him, it's appreciated and prevents him from having to ask you "well, what now."]

...It was surprisingly so, actually. Enough that I'm not sure I agree with the "never again" element of it.

[...He's competitive.]

Mm, well maybe next time you won't punch me in the ribs first. I think I'm going to bruise!

[He's not made of paper anymore so he'll probably be fine.]

It isn't as though you were going to move if I didn't.

Well...! Yes, that's probably true, but it still wasn't appreciated!

It accomplished what you came here to do, didn't it?

[It's nice to make your life difficult once in a while, you know.]

It did, yes! I'm one step closer to getting bingo on this stupid card!

[S i g h. Why does he do these things to himself.]

I do appreciate it, anyway!

Anytime you want to come over and have me punch you, I'll be more than willing, believe me.

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