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[You're getting a phone call, Wesker. It's Jaeger's usual annoying voice, only somehow even more obnoxious.]

Oh, Albert~! I need your help with something~!

[...WHY IS LITERALLY EVERYONE CALLING HIM THIS WEEK - ]

What is it.

[The question is flat, compared to Yeager's...that; he's not particularly fond of the phone, must we...]

[You know you love hearing his wonderful voice!!]

I need a little help with one of those pesky bingo spaces and I know you're just the man for the job! I want you to spar with me!

[this can only end poorly]

[...]

Let's hear your reason, first.

[The emphasis implies that Yeager is not the first person to ask him to do this.

That implication is entirely correct.]

That many people have called asking you to punch them? My, aren't you popular!

I need it for one of those bingo spaces. It'll be fun, I promise!

[no it won't, he's no longer a noodle but he still doesn't know how to fight]

Apparently. I'm punching a college student in the face tomorrow.

[wow.]

There are any number of people you could have contacted for this, I'm sure. Do you even know how to hit someone without breaking your wrist?

[wow.]

Now don't be rude! I'm sure I could manage it without breaking my wrist!

[oh my god]

Well. I'll take that as a "no", then.

[oh my god.]

Come over tonight and we can get it over with, I suppose.

Thank you for obliging me, Albert!

[And sure enough he'll show up tonight, though he's brought the booze too as a thank you present. He'll knock on the door and wait for you to get it and hopefully put your helldogs away. Getting mauled by a helldog probably doesn't count as sparring.]

[If he knows someone is coming over, he generally will put the helldogs up, and tonight isn't an exception - it's amazing what not showing up unannounced like a rude person will get you, isn't it?

As it stands, Jaeger's presence will still get a chorus of AND THE DOGS GO WILD but at least it's from somewhere further back in the house. You know, where he's definitely not keeping the horrifying creatures with his research.

...That sure is booze.]

I see you've brought a bribe with you.

[Here you go, take that off his hands.]

Ja, of course! If you're so busy punching people I thought I might as well make it worth your while~!

[Despite acting like he always does, Jaeger's actually undergone a physical change since the last time you saw him: he got buff. Admittedly it's not much, he just looks like less of a stick now. He's gotten suits tailored to properly fit him though, so at least he still looks nice.

By the way yes, he's doing this in a suit. Because this is Jaeger and we fight like men in our suits or something.]

[...That makes both of us that are absolutely not dressed for the fight that is about to ensue today, um. And no...comment on the Suddenly, Ripped because like hell if he's stroking your ego today.]

I'm still not certain why people come to me for this.

[Anyway.]

In the interest of full disclosure, I have a vague idea that I may have known what I was doing in fights, if those memories are any indication, but I don't recall how to apply any of it. Just in case that's a concern.

[...For the general safety of both you and his own goddamn face. It's possible that he'll blank out mid-fight, please don't fucking hit him if he does.]

Oh, really? Well, you look like the sort of person who does know how to fight!

[...which doesn't really explain why people would line up to want you to punch them?? Here we are anyway, I guess.]

But don't worry, I'm sure neither of us will break anything! Probably!

[probably]

At least most of what I was capable of seems to have been with guns.

[Which he...doesn't keep? He isn't really here for firearms, for a lot of reasons.]

Either way, I suppose we should work out what constitutes sparring and what doesn't.

[Does Wesker even know how to shoot a gun? He would have assumed yet, but now he's doubting everything...]

Well, I'd say a solid hit or two would count. Hopefully not enough to bruise too badly. And nothing to the face, of course!

[of course]

Of course.

[...This seems fair, dear god we're both going to suck at this, aren't we.]

Shall we, then?

Of course! Where are we doing this?

[Definitely not in your basement with the research, but is there a specific room you want, or...]

...Preferably nowhere that has anything important in it.

[He's totally pretentious enough to have a foyer that currently has a lot of space and zero dogs, does that work for you.]

[That works perfectly!

...So. Here we are. This is going to be interesting.]

Well, I didn't really think too much about what would happen once I was here.

[...this is awkward.]

[...what the fuck do you mean, you didn't think about- ]

Well...? Are we going to stand here like seventh graders at a school dance, or are we going to actually fight?

You make it sound so easy! It's weird just to hit you now!

[jaeger.]

...Very well, if that's how you're going to be about it.

[He'll just have to punch you in the fucking ribs first, then, won't he.

So, you know, that's what he's going to do, with no fucking warning whatsoever. Just approach and try to fucking punch you.]

If that's how I'm going to be about— Ow!

[well. in hindsight he absolutely deserved that. Give him a moment to hold the spot and look wounded for a moment before trying to return that!! He's sure Wesker's going to block a punch to the ribs, so he aims a second with his off-hand for Wesker's gut.]

[You absolutely deserved - oh god what the hell, Jaeger, does he look like he can take a hit like that to you. The first punch is blocked, as he'd expected, but the second - well, it gets him to step back, anyway. Breathing?? Breathing is good.]

Now you are asking for it.

[God, we are going to actually throw down in this foyer. That is going to be what happens here.

The problem with doing this in suits is the fact that they have a fair amount of places to grab. Like your fucking lapels. So just let him try for grabbing that to jerk you forward and sweeping your legs out from under you in the process. While you're busy and all.]

[You know what he was definitely not expecting? That. That is absolutely not what he was expecting and down he goes with an undignified noise. He'll try to kick at Wesker's legs while he's down here and once he's regained his footing he'll just sort of... rush Wesker like maybe he can full body tackle him to the floor. As you do.]

7/13

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