Personally, I don't think it's fair to think of anyone that way. There are always going to be people who don't think the same way as others, or don't feel the same things, or experience things in the same way. I don't like the idea of setting a base line and saying that anyone who doesn't meet it is "defective".
I suppose part of that is a difference in how we think of the word; you've said that you don't think of yourself as less than others, but whenever I hear it, that's always my first thought. Even though I know that's not what you mean, it still troubles me to hear it.
Perhaps. Though I would argue that there's a difference between simply not meeting a baseline, and having one's experiences be so far off from normal that it's difficult to relate properly to others.
...I've seen myself that way for a long time. It's difficult not to, really.
I know that I don't experience things in the way that I should - in the way that most people do. I think my father knew it as well. Most of what he tried to teach me after I was adopted dealt with how to present as a good person anyway. It didn't matter if I was incapable. What mattered was that I continued to try, and if I acted like a good person then that was how others would perceive me.
...You... You are a good person, you're not just acting like it. You're not incapable, you're... You're doing just fine...
[Wow, okay, never mind, he's absolutely not managing to find any sort of coherent argument with that. That's just so brain-shatteringly depressing he has no idea how to handle it.]
[He nods a bit at that, but he'll latch on then and just try to take a moment to calm himself down.
What do you even say to something like that, though?]
...I'm sorry.
[It's sort of mumbled, and he's honestly not sure what he's apologizing for. For needing to take a moment? For everything Wesker's been through that's led him to believe that? Both, maybe?]
[His grip against Jaeger's body is tight, and he'll nuzzle him a little after a moment; the gesture is awkward, though there isn't anything desperate behind it.]
[He'll return that, of course. It is desperate on his end while he tries to steady himself enough to come up with some way to counter that, to argue against it, but...
There isn't anything he can say that will change Wesker's mind. He already knows that. If Wesker's ever going to start thinking otherwise, it'll have to be his decision. It's something Jaeger doesn't even want to try to fight against, in all honesty.
But giving up isn't an option.]
You've always done a good job of looking out for me and helping me, even when I was a complete pain to deal with. You are a good person; you've always been good to me, and I know I'm just one person, but you've been good to Elda too and... And that's really important. A good person doesn't have to be a saint, and it's unreasonable to expect that. You... You really are doing a great job, I promise.
You absolutely succeed. You've been nothing but kind to me. It's always appreciated, and as I've said before, there's no place in the world that's safer than being right here beside you.
I know we're just two people, but you've always done your best for us and that's... It's really important.
[He'll lean into that, but it takes him a bit longer to settle than it usually does.]
I want to. I know I can't just change your mind on it, but it's really important to me that you know what I believe that. It's not something I question.
I've never doubted you. I know you believe everything you're telling me, and that you think that I'm a good person. Even if I don't believe it, I know that you do.
...It sounds like it would have been painful to hear something like that. That you have to pretend to be a good person so people will see you that way.
I don't know if I can put it into words. It's just... I find that idea upsetting, I suppose.
I found it more calming than anything. It was never judgmental, just an acknowledgement that I could never see myself as a good person.
So I was taught to be kind to others, and to never resort to violence. To treat people well so they would likewise treat me well. They wouldn't have to know what I'm capable of and what I'm not. I would be perceived as a good person, even if I couldn't be one as far as I was concerned.
...It was good to know that my own limitations didn't have to matter, if that makes sense.
[Wesker will allow it, and he'll return it after a moment, though there's still no desperation to it on his end of things; he'll let his hand just bury itself in Jaeger's hair for a moment before continuing to play with it lightly between his fingers, the gesture soft and repetitive.]
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[...look he's trying really hard but it's. fairly obvious that he does not quite get it.]
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I suppose part of that is a difference in how we think of the word; you've said that you don't think of yourself as less than others, but whenever I hear it, that's always my first thought. Even though I know that's not what you mean, it still troubles me to hear it.
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Perhaps. Though I would argue that there's a difference between simply not meeting a baseline, and having one's experiences be so far off from normal that it's difficult to relate properly to others.
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I know that I don't experience things in the way that I should - in the way that most people do. I think my father knew it as well. Most of what he tried to teach me after I was adopted dealt with how to present as a good person anyway. It didn't matter if I was incapable. What mattered was that I continued to try, and if I acted like a good person then that was how others would perceive me.
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[Give him a moment, that's really upsetting...]
...You... You are a good person, you're not just acting like it. You're not incapable, you're... You're doing just fine...
[Wow, okay, never mind, he's absolutely not managing to find any sort of coherent argument with that. That's just so brain-shatteringly depressing he has no idea how to handle it.]
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...It's all right, Jaeger, just take a moment. Breathe for a while.
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What do you even say to something like that, though?]
...I'm sorry.
[It's sort of mumbled, and he's honestly not sure what he's apologizing for. For needing to take a moment? For everything Wesker's been through that's led him to believe that? Both, maybe?]
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[His grip against Jaeger's body is tight, and he'll nuzzle him a little after a moment; the gesture is awkward, though there isn't anything desperate behind it.]
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There isn't anything he can say that will change Wesker's mind. He already knows that. If Wesker's ever going to start thinking otherwise, it'll have to be his decision. It's something Jaeger doesn't even want to try to fight against, in all honesty.
But giving up isn't an option.]
You've always done a good job of looking out for me and helping me, even when I was a complete pain to deal with. You are a good person; you've always been good to me, and I know I'm just one person, but you've been good to Elda too and... And that's really important. A good person doesn't have to be a saint, and it's unreasonable to expect that. You... You really are doing a great job, I promise.
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I want to be good to you, Jaeger. You and Elda both. You've both shown me kindness when I needed it, so of course I'm going to try to return that.
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I know we're just two people, but you've always done your best for us and that's... It's really important.
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You don't have to try to convince me that I'm a good person, you know. It's all right.
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I want to. I know I can't just change your mind on it, but it's really important to me that you know what I believe that. It's not something I question.
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[So much hair-playing.]
I...apologize. For upsetting you.
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It's okay. I know you didn't mean to. That just... hit me really hard, I think.
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I don't know if I can put it into words. It's just... I find that idea upsetting, I suppose.
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I found it more calming than anything. It was never judgmental, just an acknowledgement that I could never see myself as a good person.
So I was taught to be kind to others, and to never resort to violence. To treat people well so they would likewise treat me well. They wouldn't have to know what I'm capable of and what I'm not. I would be perceived as a good person, even if I couldn't be one as far as I was concerned.
...It was good to know that my own limitations didn't have to matter, if that makes sense.
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[That makes sense, but that doesn't really make it any easier.]
I just... I really hope someday you'll look at things differently. I really do think you've already succeeded; you're already a good person.
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It's at least acknowledgement that someday things might change and for now, that's good enough.]
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You really are good to me.
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