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Are you sure? It's... not exactly a pleasant memory.

If that's supposed to deter me, it's doing a poor job of it.

[His grip tightens a bit against Jaeger's hand, squeezing it briefly.]

I'm not going to try to force you to talk about it. But I genuinely don't mind it.

...Okay.

[Give him a moment to figure out how to start...]

I don't know where we were, I've never seen it before. It almost looked like we were underwater, though admittedly I couldn't get a very good look at our surroundings. I was injured and those kids were there, so I'm assuming I fought with them. The blastia was exposed and they asked me some questions about that and about why I fought alone, and I refused to answer any of them and just... let myself die.

[He's not sure he can ever describe how it felt, physically.]

...I was... relieved, I think. It wasn't a particularly strong emotion, but it's more than I usually get from those memories.

[Something about that is bothering him; there's a hard edge to the words that he's trying to keep out.]

[When he pulls his hand away for a moment it's just so he can push himself up to sit next to Jaeger on the bed properly; he'll find Jaeger's hand again once he's done that, and he...honestly isn't sure what to do with what he's been told but he does seem to be processing it, at least.]

...It's all right, Jaeger. Talk to me.

[It's not a demand - it's never a demand, just quiet encouragement; he knows something is troubling Jaeger, that much is evident, but he can't do anything if he doesn't know what it is.]

[He'll eagerly take Wesker's hand again, but it's going to take him a moment to figure out how to put his frustration into words.]

...You always tell me that you keep going because you don't have a choice, ja? Giving up just isn't an option for you. It never was, not even in your past life.

I chose to die. It felt like it was something I'd wanted for a long time. I had plans, a guild, my daughters, and I just... didn't care. I didn't care about any of that at the end. Gauche and Droite were there, I know they were, and I didn't care about that either. The only thing that mattered was that I wouldn't have to deal with anything anymore.

What was the point? I still don't know what I thought I was doing, but why did I bother with any of that if I was just going to let myself die like that?

[It's not frustration by the end. It's anger, hot and blinding and almost consuming.]

I don't want to lie down and die, I don't ever want to decide that's a good idea. I've never been good at dealing with my problems, but this... I never would have thought that this was how things ended.

[He pulls Jaeger toward him, when he's done with all that; it's gentle, he doesn't have to move if he doesn't want to, but Wesker will hold him if he's allowed to.]

Things were different for you back then. I know you have difficulty facing things sometimes, but that doesn't mean you're ever going to do something like that. I know you won't.

You said you chose that, back then. If that's true, then it's still a choice to be made now. And you can choose to never do something like that again. It won't make what happened back then any easier, but it's something you can keep in mind going forward.

[...]

I understand that it's frustrating. That it feels like a waste, perhaps, or that it's otherwise difficult to understand. But I think the fact that you're so angry about it is a good sign.

[Of course he's allowed to, he always does appreciate physical affection like this and it's easy to settle into it now. He pulls himself closer immediately. It's still not comfortable, but there's nowhere else he'd rather be.]

...You're right. It is a choice. I've already decided I'm not going to be like my past life, so it's just... another thing to avoid, I guess.

[The anger isn't exactly dying out, but it's getting to manageable levels.]

I'm never going to just... give up and let myself die like that. I promise. I have so much I want to live for here and I have you and I'd never do anything like that to you.

...I've never thought you would do anything like that, and that hasn't changed.

[It's okay. It's okay, he promises.]

This doesn't change my opinion of you.

[To be honest, he hadn't even given any thought to whether or not this would change Wesker's opinion of him. It wasn't that he assumed it wouldn't, it just hadn't occurred to him to think about it.

It's such a relief to hear, though. The tension finally melts away and he relaxes against Wesker.]

...Thank you. I... I'd be upset if it did.

[He can kind of understand why it might, since this has definitely changed his opinion of himself, but it's... really a relief to hear...]

[Oh, that's...]

...It's all right, Jaeger. Things are different for you now, and I know you would never do anything like that.

[...]

You shouldn't compare it to how I handled things, either.

[It takes him a moment to consider that.]

...You're right, that's not very fair. Everyone handles things differently, and were it anyone else, I'd agree without hesitation.

[He just tends to be harder on himself than he probably should be.]

Sorry, I'm just... frustrated, I suppose. I don't know what I was expecting, but it was probably anything but that.

[Wesker is fairly sure that his past life was just a very high-strung sort of insane that couldn't conceive of stopping once things were set in motion, while in his current life...

...Well, the less he thinks about his current life in connection with this topic, the better.]

It's all right to be upset about it, or to be angry at how things turned out. But that doesn't reflect on who you are as a person - that's what you're always trying to tell me, isn't it?

Yes, of course it is.

[It's not fair for him to believe that applies to everyone else but not himself. It's going to be a bit difficult to stop thinking like that, but he'll do his best.]

I'll be okay. I think I just needed a moment to be upset at everything my past life decided to be.

...Sometimes it's like that.

[god knows he's experienced a lot of that.]

If you need anything, you can tell me, you know.

Of course. I really will be okay. I'll need a little time to process all of this, I think, but it isn't as bad as it could have been.

[His grip tightens on Wesker after a moment, though.]

Just... stay with me like this for a little while longer?

I'm not going anywhere.

[He'll nuzzle up against Jaeger after a moment; take your time.]

Thank you. You always do such a good job of being here for me...

[He'll return the nuzzling, of course.]

...Are you okay? I know this isn't easy to talk about.

...It's given me a few things to think about, but I'm all right.

[It's difficult, but he'll manage.]

I'm glad you're okay. You can always come to me if there's anything you want to discuss. Or if you have any questions about that, though I think I explained everything...

[Why are all of his memories so out of context...]

...Don't worry about me for the time being. I'm fine.

You know I always will worry about you anyway...

[Well, the anger's gone now and he's left feeling sort of tired. This is probably better? He doesn't like being angry.]

I'm not going to keep you home today, don't worry. I do want to hear from you whenever you have a chance, but I'll be fine.

...If you're certain.

[He doesn't like it, but there's a sense of relief that comes with it; he needs the time to himself, he thinks, just to work through some things.]

I am, yes. I'll let you know if I decide to leave work early, but I doubt it'll happen.

[He was kind of a mess yesterday, but today's going to be better.]

...Contact me if you need anything during the day.

[He's not sure what he can do about it if Jaeger takes him up on that, but he'll come up with something.]

Of course. I really do appreciate it, but I'm sure I'll be okay!

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