[He nods a bit at that, the gesture tight, before he tries to make himself continue; he doesn't talk like this often - he hates admitting to anything like this, especially pain, but...]

It...hurts, I suppose. Knowing that it didn't have to be like that, and that I had no chance at a normal life because someone else decided to choose me at random and take that chance away from me. And by the end, I couldn't stop; I couldn't change for the better, I couldn't do anything but follow a path that had been laid for me by someone that wanted to use me, all I had that I knew for certain was my own was the hatred and the anger.

I... It's terrifying, honestly, but mostly it's just painful for me.