Albert Wesker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
manufactured) wrote2017-04-30 12:43 am
manufactured) wrote2017-04-30 12:43 am
INBOX | RECOLLE
NOAH ISAACS
Albert Wesker. Pharmaceutical Research and Development. This surely won't end poorly.
VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION
Of course.
[...]
It's likely always going to weigh heavily on me, regardless of what I find out. The number of people that died as a result of my actions is still going to be extremely high. I don't feel I deserve to forget that, and while I believe that understanding my past life is important, I don't ever want to sympathize.
But I'm trying to find ways to make some sort of peace with it. I may not deserve that, either, but I can't keep living the way I have been with regards to it.
[...]
It's likely always going to weigh heavily on me, regardless of what I find out. The number of people that died as a result of my actions is still going to be extremely high. I don't feel I deserve to forget that, and while I believe that understanding my past life is important, I don't ever want to sympathize.
But I'm trying to find ways to make some sort of peace with it. I may not deserve that, either, but I can't keep living the way I have been with regards to it.
No, I understand. I think it's fair to want to find some sort of peace with it, all of us do. It's good that you're able to work through it some. I'm really happy you're doing better, Albert.
[His grip tightens on Wesker's hand at that. It's immensely difficult, he's sure of that, but it's really nice to see Wesker sorting himself out a bit.]
[His grip tightens on Wesker's hand at that. It's immensely difficult, he's sure of that, but it's really nice to see Wesker sorting himself out a bit.]
[He'll let his hand shift a bit to rest lightly against Jaeger's face.]
The past while has been hard on you, hasn't it.
[It's not really a question.]
The past while has been hard on you, hasn't it.
[It's not really a question.]
[He leans into that, though his gaze darts.]
It... Yes.
[He doesn't like admitting to that. He prefers to deflect or at least pretend things are fine, but he doesn't lie to Wesker.]
You've been going through so much, and I... don't really know how to help. I'm glad I'm able to, but I always feel like I should be able to do more. I know that's not always possible and the thought's probably irrational... but I really don't like seeing you in pain. I'd do anything to make things easier for you.
[He does manage to look up after that, though.]
That's why I'm so happy you're doing better now. It's really nice to see.
It... Yes.
[He doesn't like admitting to that. He prefers to deflect or at least pretend things are fine, but he doesn't lie to Wesker.]
You've been going through so much, and I... don't really know how to help. I'm glad I'm able to, but I always feel like I should be able to do more. I know that's not always possible and the thought's probably irrational... but I really don't like seeing you in pain. I'd do anything to make things easier for you.
[He does manage to look up after that, though.]
That's why I'm so happy you're doing better now. It's really nice to see.
...I know that I'm not an easy person to be with, normally. Particularly so with all of the complications caused by Retrospec. I'm always going to have difficulties of some sort or another, it's just something I've accepted.
But you make things bearable for me. You're doing more than enough, and I don't ever want you to have to worry that you aren't. Just being with you would be enough for me.
But you make things bearable for me. You're doing more than enough, and I don't ever want you to have to worry that you aren't. Just being with you would be enough for me.
I'm really happy to hear that. It really means a lot to me that I can make things easier for you.
I know I say it a lot, but you really do make me so happy. Things can be really tough sometimes, yes, but it's always worth it. Don't ever question that.
[He finally loosens his grip a bit on Wesker's hand, though he's not letting go entirely.]
Honestly, I don't know where I'd be without you.
I know I say it a lot, but you really do make me so happy. Things can be really tough sometimes, yes, but it's always worth it. Don't ever question that.
[He finally loosens his grip a bit on Wesker's hand, though he's not letting go entirely.]
Honestly, I don't know where I'd be without you.
Likewise.
[He's quiet for a moment, though, moving to run his hand through Jaeger's hair again.]
...I'll try not to call myself defective anymore.
[He's quiet for a moment, though, moving to run his hand through Jaeger's hair again.]
...I'll try not to call myself defective anymore.
...Thank you. I really do appreciate it.
[He knows he's not going to be able to change Wesker's mind about this, but as far as he's concerned that's a step in the right direction.
He'll lean into the hair-playing, as usual.]
Are you okay? This conversation was a bit rough...
[Maybe less so for Wesker, but it's still worth checking.]
[He knows he's not going to be able to change Wesker's mind about this, but as far as he's concerned that's a step in the right direction.
He'll lean into the hair-playing, as usual.]
Are you okay? This conversation was a bit rough...
[Maybe less so for Wesker, but it's still worth checking.]
...I feel as though I should be asking you that...
[You got...really upset for a while back there.]
[You got...really upset for a while back there.]
...It's all right. I...know that I'm likely not being terribly fair with regards to all of that; that's why I wanted to ask you about it in the first place.
You're right, I don't think you're being fair. I... don't know if I managed to explain my thought process behind that at all beyond "I don't like it", so you have my apologies for that. It's a bit difficult to figure out how to put my thoughts into words when I get worked up like that.
I don't mind talking about it, though. If you have any questions - at any point - I'll try to answer them. I can't guarantee I'll manage it very well, but I do want to let you know how I feel.
I don't mind talking about it, though. If you have any questions - at any point - I'll try to answer them. I can't guarantee I'll manage it very well, but I do want to let you know how I feel.
...I suppose for now I mostly want to know why it suddenly upset you so much. I certainly understand that it did, I just don't know why.
It... scares me, I think. It isn't as though I'm afraid of something specific happening, it's just...
[How does he explain this...?]
If someone else were to say something like that about you, I'd be furious. It's a terrible thing to say about someone else, ja? But because you're saying it about yourself, I... honestly don't really know how to handle that. It worries me instead of making me angry. You're usually very stubborn about these sorts of things, so I don't expect to change your mind and that... Well, it upsets me. You're never going to see yourself the way I see you, even though I really wish you could.
[How does he explain this...?]
If someone else were to say something like that about you, I'd be furious. It's a terrible thing to say about someone else, ja? But because you're saying it about yourself, I... honestly don't really know how to handle that. It worries me instead of making me angry. You're usually very stubborn about these sorts of things, so I don't expect to change your mind and that... Well, it upsets me. You're never going to see yourself the way I see you, even though I really wish you could.
Because you see me as a good person.
[It's said in a way that indicates he sort of knows, but wants confirmation anyway.]
[It's said in a way that indicates he sort of knows, but wants confirmation anyway.]
Yes.
[There isn't any hesitation; it's stated like it's a fact.]
You're working so hard to be a good person and you're torn up about the things you did in your past life... It's upsetting that you don't think it's possible for you to be a good person.
[There isn't any hesitation; it's stated like it's a fact.]
You're working so hard to be a good person and you're torn up about the things you did in your past life... It's upsetting that you don't think it's possible for you to be a good person.
As I said, I don't think that makes me a bad person, or that I'm inferior to others. It's more along the lines of how good acts done purely for the sake of reward are still good acts in that they benefit people, but the person doing them can't be said to be kind because that's untrue - the intention is self-serving. Does that make sense?
Most people get something out of being kind to others. Whether that's some kind of reward or just feeling good about themselves, it's still some kind of payment. There are certainly people like you said, who only act kind towards others for that reward, but it's not always so black and white.
It seems to me like you're holding yourself to standards you wouldn't have for anyone else. That's a little unfair, ja?
It seems to me like you're holding yourself to standards you wouldn't have for anyone else. That's a little unfair, ja?
...What makes you think I wouldn't hold others to those standards?
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